Kisses, Wishes, and Near Misses
by eclaire291
Summary: "Sorry, I tripped." There's only so many excuses one can make before the kisses stop being accidental. [Ongoing. Latest chapter: Moblit&Hange]
1. Levi&Eren

**Title**: If Kisses Were Wishes, You'd Be Dead  
**Characters/Pairings**: Various  
**Author's Notes**: Behold a bunch of short stories chronicling accidental kisses between SnK characters.  
**Disclaimer**: I obviously don't own Shingeki no Kyojin. If I did, the English translation of the manga wouldn't be so awful and uke!Levi would be strictly prohibited.

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**About this chapter**: No warnings or manga spoilers. Non-slash Levi/Eren. (Rated: K+)

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01: Levi/Eren

It was late afternoon when a low growl suddenly pierced the sky of the training grounds.

"Can we take a break, captain? We've been practicing with the maneuver gear all day. I definitely want to get better at using the gear, but I won't be much good if I starve," Eren implored weakly, leaning back against a tree of the training ground and pressing a hand to his stomach in an attempt to stifle its grumbling.

Levi, who had been attempting to show Eren how to zigzag quickly through the dense forest, approached the boy.

"On missions, we often go without food for days. It's best to get used to that now," he said.

"That sounds awful!" a voice declared from the trees.

It was Sasha, of course.

Connie and she had arrived at the training grounds only a short time ago to practice. They were currently zipping through the trees—with full stomachs from a delicious dinner—while Eren now tried desperately to ignore the fact that he'd been practicing since dawn and had yet to eat anything even though the sun was about to set.

Eren's stomach rumbled again and he sighed. "I understand," he said, regarding Levi carefully, not wanting to disrespect the older man. "But we're not on a mission at the moment, so I don't see why we have to…"

Levi crossed the ground between them in a flash and took hold of the collar of Eren's shirt while looking as if he may hit him at any second. Eren was frantically trying to scramble away, pushing at the hand locked in a death grip on his clothing. Levi's face loomed closer, and Eren knew he was about to be reprimanded. So, what would it be? A week on dishes duty? Scrubbing the floor with a toothbrush? Cleaning the bathrooms? However, before Levi could reveal Eren's punishment, Connie interrupted.

"Oi, Sasha, watch out!" Connie shouted.

There was the sound of someone crashing through the trees and yelps, and Levi's gaze shifted slightly to take in whatever was going on behind Eren. His eyes widened minutely, and Eren was about the turn to see what was happening when a firm weight landed against his back. He fell forward and, due to the proximity of Levi's face, ended up mashing his lips against the corner of Levi's mouth. The world seemed to freeze and then Eren finally managed to pull himself from Levi's grip.

_Oh, no,_ Eren thought. _Forget the Titans; he's going to kill me himself. No, he's going to beat me senseless, let me recover and then finish the job._

The training ground was silent. Out the corner of his eye, Eren saw Connie standing like a deer in headlights, his hand outstretched to help Sasha up from where she had sprawled across the ground with her 3D Maneuver Gear coiled around her. She, in turn, was staring up at the scene horrified with a quickly spreading flush of shame creeping into her cheeks. Neither sought to move nor speak. Eren gulped and hesitantly returned his gaze to Levi. The captain's expression was dark.

"Captain, that was…an accident. I…I…" Eren tried to find the words to apologize. However, he was cut off abruptly by a sweeping kick hooking under his knees and taking him to the ground. He cringed as the back of his head stuck the ground, leaving his ears ringing. Before he knew it, his chest was under Levi's boot and the man was looking down at him with eyes that promised murder.

"Do something like that again, you little shit," he said, "and you'll have more than a bruised back to show for it."

With that, he turned abruptly and walked away.

"Uh, did you just… with the captain… oh, damn," Connie blathered, staring at Eren in horror.

Sasha leapt to her feet and tried to dust herself off. "That was all my fault, Eren. Please forgive me. Oh, jeez. I can't believe that happened. I'm surprised he didn't make me run laps or something," she said.

Eren rubbed his aching back and grimaced. "Yeah," he agreed. He looked at his gear and sighed. "I guess practice is over?"

"Go eat, man. You deserve it. That was rough," Connie said, clapping him on the back.

With a sigh, Eren buckled his gear and shook his head. "Nah. I should practice. Levi's a hard-ass, but I guess that's why he's in charge. He wants me to get a hang of this, so I'll just practice a bit more while it's still light out. I owe him. I'm sure Mikasa or Armen saved me something to eat."

"You're nuts," Connie said, shaking his head and joining Sasha in her struggle to untangle the wires from her gear.

Eren grinned, saying, "Yeah, I am."

Several yards away, Levi watched as Eren began practicing once again. He shook his head and wiped his arm against his lips, quelling the urge to spit. For all that idiot Eren did, he was determined when it came down to it. "That little shit," he murmured somewhat fondly, turning on his heel to return to his quarters.

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**Next up**: Jean/Annie  
I take requests, so just let me know if there are any accidental kisses you'd like to read.


	2. Jean&Annie

**Title**: If Kisses Were Wishes, You'd Be Dead  
**Characters/Pairings**: Various  
**Author's Notes**: Behold a bunch of short stories chronicling accidental kisses between SnK characters.  
**Disclaimer**: I obviously don't own Shingeki no Kyojin. If I did, the English translation of the manga wouldn't be so awful and uke!Levi would be strictly prohibited.

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**About this chapter**: No manga spoilers. Beware of some foul language a la Jean. (Rated: T)

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02: Jean/Annie

Well, Jean had gotten through another crappy day of training. To make matters worse, the trainees only had 15 minutes for lunch before they were expected back on the grounds for a brief lesson on changing the gas cylinders on their 3D Maneuver Gear. And Jean was pretty sure Instructor Keith Shadis didn't know the meaning of the word "brief," so it would probably drag well into the evening until Shadis was satisfied with the trainees' grasp of his lesson.

Jean sighed and sat down heavily on one of the dining hall benches, shoving a spoonful of mashed potatoes into his mouth as he pondered his situation. His whole body ached. Was this really even worth it anymore? He just wanted to go through with this whole damn thing so he could get into the inner walls. No way was he letting his family suffer the same fate as those who had lived inside Wall Maria. No way. He'd save them, and not by being some martyr like that damn Yeager. Resignedly, he absently piled the peas on his lunch tray when he realized he'd answered his own question: He'd have to go on if he wanted any chance at the inner walls.

"Feeling ill?"

Interrupted from his brooding, Jean looked up and was surprised to see Annie Leonhart standing across the table from him. She wasn't the type of engage others and, honestly, Jean thought this might have been the first time he heard her speak. She pushed aside her wispy bangs and regarded him with a slightly raised eyebrow. He blinked and realized he was staring.

"Nah, just, you know…" he began as he gestured vaguely at his food, trying to avoid bringing up what he had been pondering just moments before, "sick of this slop. I guess no one told the cooks that mashed potatoes are more than just potatoes thrown in some boiling water and crushed into a lumpy, lukewarm mess."

Annie glanced down at his tray and shrugged. "Are they that bad?" she asked.

"Nothing like my mom's," Jean concluded, warming up to this conversation. It felt natural. A lot better than grumbling about practice or talking about titans. It was the first time since he joined the 104th Trainee Squad that his realized just how much he missed his family.

"Hmm," Annie mumbled, her attention seeming to waver back into disinterest. "I wouldn't really have anything to compare them to."

"You've never had mashed potatoes?" Jean questioned, eyebrows rising in disbelief. That was sacrilege in his book. He wasn't a food-freak like Sasha, but there were just some foods that he expected to have a sacred place in every family household. Mashed potatoes were a staple—something kids rejoiced to see on the table for dinner. "Your mom never made them for you?"

Her expression darkened considerably.

"No," she said tersely.

Leaning across the table, Jean studied her tray and realized that she didn't even have any mashed potatoes on it. The only thing on her plate was a small portion of beef and some beans. Well, that was just sad. They were training to be in the goddamned military; they had privileges. People who starved themselves for vanity or to prove some point about those inside Wall Rose receiving rationed food really pissed him off. It was aggravating, and he wasn't going to stand for it. He scoffed and dug a spoon into his own pile, making sure that some of the gravy was included in the scoop. He held the spoon out the Annie.

"Here, try some," he offered. "They seriously aren't that bad, just not the best I've had."

Annie frowned and shook her head. She might have even taken a few steps away from him. Well, geez. It wasn't as if he had germs. Feeling impatient and not willing to let this standoffish girl walk away until she had tried some mashed potatoes, he stood up and leaned over the table to get closer to her.

"Stop being so goddamned stubborn and just try them already," Jean said impatiently, pushing the spoon toward her.

Their eyes met over the spoon, and Jean realized her glare might rival his own. Her eyes were flint, daring him to even try moving that spoon any closer to her. She could kick his ass; he knew that. That didn't mean he knew better, though. Steeling himself, he dared to move the spoon closer until it was nearly touching her mouth.

"Open your fucking mouth, Leonhart," he all but snarled. _Stop being such an ice-bitch_, was on his tongue, but he somehow managed to swallow that ill-advised insult.

The hard blue eyes watching him narrowed to slits and an arm came into his line of sight. Jean tensed. But instead of knocking him on his ass, she unexpectedly snatched the spoon from his hand.

"You overreact to everything, don't you?" she asked, her voice flat. "Fine. I'll try them if it'll make you leave me alone."

Wavering between victory and the lingering apprehension over harassing a girl who had already utterly humiliated both Eren and Reiner during training exercises, Jean stayed silent as she finally ate the mashed potatoes. It was a short-lived and somewhat hollow victory in hindsight. Without a change in her expression or any further conversation, she dropped the spoon on his tray and turned to retreat to a table across the hall. Making a note not to cross paths with Annie again, Jean realized he'd wasted a good portion of his lunch period and dug into his food.

When he looked up from his tray again, Marco had appeared and was grinning across the table at him. "Wow, I didn't know Annie and you were that close," the freckled boy observed, plopping down his tray and rounding the table to take a seat next to Jean.

Jean raised an eyebrow at his friend and continued to eat his mashed potatoes. "Huh? What are you talking about?" he asked around mouthfuls. Marco tried to ignore the bits of food flung his way. He pointed to the spoon in Jean's mouth and grinned. Jean shifted the spoon to the corner of his mouth and managed to inelegantly mumble over it, "My spoon? What's that have to do with anything?"

"Do you have to be so disgusting?" Marco asked suddenly, his smile faltering as he wiped a bit of stray potato from his shirt.

Jean glared, took the spoon from his mouth, and dug into his potatoes with renewed vigor as if to prove that he could be even more disgusting. With a sigh, Marco pushed his tray aside, wondering if his appetite might return once Jean stopped devouring his food like a starved dog.

"So, what were you saying about Annie?" Jean finally asked as he polished off the last of his food.

Marco smiled again and tried to hold back his laughter. "Nothing, just… you two…"

"What?" Jean demanded.

He quickly replayed his short-lived conversation with Annie, trying to recall any instance between them that might have been misconstrued as overly friendly or romantic. He couldn't think of anything that he said or did that might have been seen as anything more than a polite gesture. He hadn't even really been that polite to her; if anything the exchange had been hostile.

Beyond the fact that he had prodded the usually aloof girl into conversation, he couldn't think of anything extraordinary about the exchange. Jean paled nonetheless and gave Eren's table a quick glance to make sure Mikasa wasn't in a jealous rage or something. Not that he expected her to be, but a guy could dream. She was perfectly indifferent, as always, and conversing with Armin while Eren laughed at the exchange.

"I didn't do anything. What are you talking about? And what does a spoon have to do with it?"

Marco took his own spoon and pointed it at Jean, who blinked in confusion. "Indirect kiss."

"W-what?" Jean sputtered.

"She ate off your spoon after you had eaten from it. That's an indirect kiss," Marco explained.

Jean blushed ten shades of red and glanced fearfully across the room to where Annie was now sitting by herself. She didn't seem particularly affected in any way, so Jean hoped to God that she was just as oblivious to the concept of indirect kissing as he was. Because he didn't want to give her the wrong impression. And he definitely didn't want anything to interfere with him trying to win Mikasa's affection, though that was proving impossible.

Marco slung an arm around Jean's shoulder and grinned, saying, "I think you two make a great couple. With her nose and your horse head, you'd have beautiful children."

"Fuck you, Marco," Jean grumbled, pushing the boy's arm off his shoulder.

Marco chuckled.

Irritation setting in once again, Jean got to his feet and stalked away, muttering mutinously under his breath all the while. Yeah, today was definitely a crappy day, he concluded.

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**Next up**: Moblit/Hange (maybe... still waiting for inspiration to strike)  
Requests are encouraged! I'm up for writing an accidental kiss between any SnK duo. Or suggest an "accidental kiss" scenario and leave the pairing up to me. I really just want some reader feedback on this to keep it interesting and fun.


	3. Moblit&Hange

**Title**: If Kisses Were Wishes, You'd Be Dead  
**Characters/Pairings**: Various  
**Author's Notes**: Behold a bunch of short stories chronicling accidental kisses between SnK characters.  
**Disclaimer**: I obviously don't own Shingeki no Kyojin. If I did, the English translation of the manga wouldn't be so awful and uke!Levi would be strictly prohibited.

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**About this chapter**: This kiss is only partially accidental, but I'm including it since I'd hardly say Hange's intentions are romantic. Katja is a character I created; though I usually eschew OCs, I thought her role was minor enough to be acceptable. (Rated: T)

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03: Moblit/Hange

The sun felt warm on Moblit's face as he lay in the grass, looking up at the sky. The weather was surprisingly mild for it being mid-winter, and he planned to take advantage of the warmth. He was just starting to doze off when a warm pressure settled on his chest. Eyes fluttering open, he couldn't help but smile when he saw his childhood friend gazing at him happily.

"Katja? What are you doing here?" he asked.

Loose curls of honey-blond hair fell into her eyes and cascaded over his chest as she giggled. "I'm here to see you, silly," she said, her voice seeming to float on the breeze. Her face moved closer to his but for some reason—the sun, perhaps—her features seemed to lose their clarity. Her smile seemed to shine in the light. "Yesterday you told me I'd have my first kiss someday soon. Well, I decided I want my first kiss today."

Moblit felt his heart stutter and became increasingly aware of her lips. He wanted to reach out and run his hands through her hair, but he felt unusually tired despite the wild thump of his heart. "You can't just decide something like that," he answered, his face flushing lightly. "You have to find someone special to share it with."

Her eyes sparkled. He'd fallen into her trap, and he knew it. Those tempting lips drew ever closer until he could feel her breath against his cheek.

"You're special to me, stupid."

His eyes widened as she closed the space between them. He wasn't sure whether she kissed him first or not, but he might have leaned up to meet her. Everything about her was warm and sweet. Like a dream. A wonderful dream. _"Moblit Berner? Didn't you hear? She… she was…"_ What was that voice? Ignoring it, he finally managed to lift his arms and wrap them tightly around Katja. He wanted to keep her close to him, keep her safe from… something. He wasn't sure why his brain was rebelling against this moment.

"_She was killed."_

Ah, that was right; he was dreaming.

Moblit's eyes flew open and he nearly tumbled off the couch he had been lying on. With a groan, he settled back and rubbed the sleep from his eyes. It had been years since he'd dreamt of Katja. He must have been more exhausted than he thought. Squeezing his eyes shut once again, he willed himself to block out those images and turned over onto his side. Slowly opening his eyes again, he found a familiar bespectacled face only inches from his, watching him pensively.

He yelped in surprise and jumped up from the couch, staring at Hange who was now laughing. He exhaled, willing himself not to overreact. Suddenly self-conscious, Moblit discreetly glanced at his groin to ensure that he wasn't experiencing an awkward response to the dream. Thankful that he was spared the embarrassment of morning wood, he said weakly, "W-what did you do?"

"I didn't do anything," Hange said, eyes gleaming mischievously.

Still too tired to truly be angry with Hange, Moblit sat back down on the couch and rubbed the back of his neck. His first chance to sleep in nearly 48 hours and Hange had interrupted with whatever harebrained scheme had jumped to mind. She was unbelievable. Resigning himself to being inevitably drawn into whatever Hange was attempting, he sighed and asked hesitantly, "OK, then… uh, why are you smiling?"

"Well, it seems people _can_ kiss while asleep. I always thought that was some cliché used in books," Hange said, tapping her bottom lip thoughtfully.

"K-kiss?"

Hange met his startled look and her lips stretched into something that was more of a catlike leer than a smile. This was the look that suggested she knew very well she had ignored boundaries that any normal person would tread carefully around. It was the look that preceded many longwinded explanations of Titan-filled experiments. Usually people knew to run in the opposite direction when she looked like that, but Moblit had resigned himself to brave it in order to keep Hange from getting in over her head.

"Yes, you kissed me while you were asleep. Of course I did prompt you with subtle verbal endearments, but it worked all the same," she said matter-of-factly.

"What?!" Moblit exclaimed.

He was used to Hange doing strange and sometimes unexplainable things. It was often best not to ask. But her experiments had always centered on Titans, or how humans were comparable to Titans. Human relationships had never seemed to be within her scope of interest. So the fact that she was wondering about kisses was absurd. Moblit cast her a weary and wary glance, waiting for her inevitable explanation.

The explanation wasn't given.

Instead, Hange slowly uncurled from where she had been crouching, stretching her hands above her head and turning on her heel as nimbly as she moved on missions. She hummed thoughtfully under her breath as she approached Moblit's desk and started rummaging through the papers he had carefully organized. He sighed, but his exasperation was lost as Hange said cheerfully, "Anyway, I originally came here for that report on Eren's performance during the Battle of Trost. The captain needs it for a briefing with the Garrison."

"The one on the left," Moblit said automatically, still stuck on the kissing incident.

"Ah, yes, there it is!" she said, plucking it from the pile.

She was making her way to the door when Moblit realized he really couldn't just write off Hange's behavior as part of her usual eccentricity. He needed to know the reason. Jumping to his feet, he quickly grabbed her sleeve before she could leave.

"You… you know it wasn't…" He hesitated, trying to find the right words. "The kiss wasn't meant for you. I don't… like you that way. It was an accident, really."

Hange paused and raised an eyebrow at him as if he had just said something ridiculous. "Of course, I know that," she answered, her brow furrowing slightly in thought.

"OK," Moblit said uncomprehendingly. "Good. I mean… then, why? Why did you kiss me?"

"Oh!" Hange's face lit up. She reached into the satchel over her shoulder and withdrew a worn and yellowed book. "I was cleaning out Petra's old room so we could send her things to her family, and I found this book. Her old man said I could have it as a keepsake. It turned out to be a romance novel that follows some very tired clichés. One of them was kissing someone passionately while asleep."

She met his bewildered stare and smiled. Moblit glanced away and tried to ignore the pinpricks of pain behind his eyes signaling the start of a headache. Though whether it was caused by Hange's antics or his exhaustion, he wasn't sure. "Alright, I guess I understand that. But… why…" he sighed.

"Why kiss you?" she inquired. He nodded. "Well, honestly, I didn't. You did it in your sleep. And I wanted to know because I didn't think that such an action when one was unconscious was even possible. The body works to fulfill basic needs, especially when unconscious. Kisses should fall into the category of planned and voluntary action. Thus, I didn't think it was truly possible for a sleeping person to initiate a kiss and that it was just a fictional folly."

Moblit smiled weakly. As taken aback as he was by Hange's brazenness, he couldn't deny that she truly had a mind of her own. "Well, I guess you got your answer," he said.

"Sure, sure," she said, waving dismissively. "I still don't fully understand how such an involved action can be accidental, though,"

"Sometimes…" _Sometimes the mind and heart work independently of each other,_ is what came to mind, but he didn't think he'd be able to explain that to Hange's liking. So, instead he said, "Sometimes things just happen."

"That's no fun," Hange said, pouting slightly. "Well, I need to get back to Captain Levi."

She was about to leave when she stopped suddenly.

"Oh!" Hange glanced over her shoulder and smiled brightly. "Thank for your help. Even if it was an accident."

He nodded in acknowledgement, and she exited the room. Moblit watched her stride purposefully down the hall and realized his cheeks were flushed. He really needed to sleep if Hange was affecting him like this. Shaking his head, he returned to the couch and wondered if he'd be able to get in a few hours of rest before Hange requested his help with some other experiment. He just hoped she'd gotten her curiosity of kisses out of her system.

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**Next up**: Hannes/Carla _or_ Oluo/Petra


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